The 21 Do's & Don't's of Hunting

Thats right, The 21 Do's & Don't's of hunting, My style.

Muahahahahahahaha

(Ahem) Attempting to lunch...

10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3...

. . . wait, its 7:30pm lunch isn't until tomorrow around noon, Hmn, might as well continue then. =\

Jonathan's 21 Do's & Don't's:

1 Do bring a lantern when your dad tells you to as it is hard to do everything with flashlights.
2 Don't shoot a Buck when you can only shoot does.
3 Do read all the regulations and your tags carefully before you hunt or else you will do "don't #2"
4 Don't eat most of your snacks for the week before you are off the driveway.
5 Don't chew on your gun or ammo.
6 Do be sure to bring real binoculars not just some cheap plastic toy.
7 Don't let anyone tell stories of wolves around the campfire just before you go to bed.
8 Do be sure to bring a water bottle that doesn't have a hole in the bottom.
9 Do bring gasoline or other highly flammable liquid as it is hard to start fires without it.
10 Don't tell anyone you brought a candy bar or else they will stare at you as you eat it or force you at gunpoint to share.
11 Do sharpen your knife so sharp it slices through your metal-encased sheath and then your foot.
12 Do run fast if a angry bear is chasing you
13 Don't say "there is a bear heading straight towards you!" to a fellow hunter repeatedly while ignoring his questions on what to do about it. (if you have done this to me, don't worry because I am smart enough to do the next D&D)
14 Do save your brothers life by jumping up and tackling the same bear with only a sharp knife and a insane idea of heroism. (see D&D's 11, 12, and 13)
15 Don't stop to ponder a deers feelings before shooting it.
16 Don't think about the wolf infested forest you are trekking through as the sun goes down.
17 Do embellish and exaggerate all stories told about the hunting trip.
18 Don't put your hand into your mouth right after gutting or skinning a deer.
19 Don't kiss the dead deer if someone nearby has a camera.
20 Don't attempt to figure out new Do's & Don't's as it is a dangerous process.
21 Do follow all previous Do's & Don't's.

My next hunting trip will be a breeze now that I have these helpful hints.

Now for the true, note that, true hunting story.

So hear we were, Jacob and I, on the side of a hill looking for the incredibly sneaky, smart, stupid deer. The sun was setting to the east and was accompanied by the lonesome howls of wolves somewhere to the north. Our fellow hunters (I name no names except "Jacob") were spread out in totally crooked line to our left. Hunters # 3 and #6 were on the hill to our far left while the other one (hunter #4) was in a group of trees down the that same hill towards us but out of our firing arc. Now hunter #6 on the far hill was around the side where we couldn't see him, the other (hunter #3) was on the side facing us. After waiting in this setup for a hour or six, hunter #3 said, over the walkie-talkies, I see a big grizzly bear running straight towards you and Jacob!
Now on our hill there was tall sagebrush all around, so I (Jacob left his gun at the camp) jumped up and started slowly spinning in circles while scanning the edge of the little clearing we were in.
Jacob immediately started jabbering in some foreign tongue. (think it was french)
I was standing there listening to him when I heard twigs and trees snapping in front of me, I went into a crouch. All of a sudden a huge bear jumps out of the brush, along with him came a branch that smacked into my gun and sent it flying over my head and onto Jacobs. The bear paused and sniffed the air, I thought to my self "whew' I'm glad Jacob stopped yelling all the gibberish, what should I do now? wait! I don't have a weapon!" so I ripped my knife out of it sheath (see D&D 11) and rolled to the side as the bear swung a paw the size of a overgrown pumpkin at my handsome visage. I jumped to my feet and went for the kill, my knife was heading for the throat, when I discovered a new meaning to "bear hug". Needless to say when I recovered consciousness Jacob was shaking me and all the other hunters were examining the now dead bear, my hand was covered in blood and I was a little dizzy but otherwise unhurt. The next morning we went home and got fined because we didn't have a bear tag, the fish and game guy told me everything that happened (see all above) was just one big lie.
They took the bear and my proof that this was real. :\

(see D&D 17, boy I wish the print could get smaller.)


In other news...

I was shot multiple times buy a bunch of crazy people on a cart full of hay last night.

A crazy cowpoke dressed all in black tried to beat me up on a trampoline.

I discovered that Jakeala loves to talk like a little chipmunk.

Someone is about to die of laughter after reading this and I will be jailed for homicide.

I discovered that the best way to cross a marsh is to go around it not through it.

Jonathan

okay, okay, I admit that the story about a bear is not all the way true, Jacob did do one brave thing, he shot the bear as I lunged to stab it.
Most of that story is true, I mean, part of that story is true, I mean, I took a few creative writing liberties.